Monday, June 3, 2013
It's rough being a dog. We have to guard the home, keep the mailman and deliverymen on their toes, herd cats and pick up garbage. We wash windows, dig holes in the garden, exercise our hoomans, and try to keep them under control at all times. It's a hard job, but we do the best we can. On our down time, my furry siblings and I like to work on our bucket lists. Oh yes, we have lots of things we want to do, too! Here is my bucket list.
1. Visit the factory where they make all of those yummy CANIDAE TidNips™ and Snap-Bits™ dog treats. I'd like be the chief “taste inspector” to make sure each package is up to the company's strict standard of quality and freshness.
2. Learn how to herd sheep. The word around the water bowl is that sheep are easier to manage than a bunch of cats. When I learn how to do that intimidating “Border Collie stare,” felines will have new respect for me!
3. Be the lead dog on a sled dog team with no particular place to go.
4. Go on a real scavenger hunt and roll in everything I find. It would be fun to set up a hunt in some exotic location to experience the local flavors I can't find in my area.
5. Take my human on a cross country trip to find all of the dog friendly motels and wide open spaces where I can run as far as I want. Within reason, anyway – I wouldn't want to lose my human or my ride home.
6. Have a heart-to-heart talk with the mailman and delivery guy, to explain that when I bark, snarl or chase them, it's not personal, I'm just doing my job.
7. Have a daily supply of pillows, preferably with feathers, to entertain myself when I'm home alone. Humans have no idea how fun and relaxing it is to furiously shake a pillow until the feathers fly. It reminds me of falling snow. Besides, cleaning up the feathers is a good way for humans to get exercise, which they need to stay healthy in body and mind.
8. Sneak into a cat show, hide behind the curtain, and howl like a wolf.
9. Run alongside a herd of deer and pretend I'm starved. It's no fun being trapped behind a fence while they stand and stare at me. I feel like I'm in a zoo.
10. Roll around in all of the mud puddles I can find, right after my bath.
11. Go for a walk that lasts until I'm ready to stop. It would be fun to camp out for a night and see what makes all of those strange noises and scents I detect when I'm inside.
13. I want to have one day where my human lets me tell off, once and for all, the squirrel that hangs out on a tree branch over my pen, irritating me with his non-stop chattering. Squirrels can be so rude. He's the one invading my space, after all.
14. Do a comprehensive investigative report to find out how and where that other doggie in the mirror goes. Inquiring dogs want to know.
15. Hire my own personal masseuse who has warm hands and knowledge of proper tummy and ear scratching techniques.
16. Become a famous canine photographer, renowned for my photos of humans doing silly, crazy and cute things.
17. Attend a major league baseball game to chase balls that get into the outfield. I hope the TV cameras catch my good side. Note to self – remember to wear the green collar with name, address and phone number on it. Don't want to spend too long in doggie jail after I'm caught.
18. Crash a famous person's wedding. Swim in their pool, and when I get out, shake beside the cake. Then eat whipped cream, race around like Cujo, and jump up on the guests to say “Hi.”
19. Follow any interesting scent I want, no matter where it goes.
20. Audition for a movie role and do my best Lassie impression. Run up to someone, bark while bouncing up and down, turn and run two steps, stop, look back, bark again, take two more steps, stop, look back. Which means “Come quick, Timmy's in trouble again.”
What’s on your dog's bucket list?
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