Humans think they are the only ones who like to make New Year’s Resolutions, but the truth is us dogs don’t mind a little self improvement. As long as it’s tastily rewarded, that is. But I can’t help noticing that my humans, Mike and Tamara, aren’t usually very successful with theirs. Why? They’re going about it all wrong.
So I decided to take their New Year’s resolution list and improve upon it with canine logic. Maybe now their resolutions will last past spring.
Exercise is Good
Especially for me. But it’s silly to buy some expensive and scary thingamajig to walk on. That’s so boring and we can’t do it together. You’re just going to start throwing clothes on it anyways. So what’s the point?
Instead, grab a leash or a ball and we can go outside! We can play chase or catch and I can show you all of my favorite spots in the neighborhood, like the fascinating dumpster in the alley, or we can investigate that backyard where all the rabbits live. I can even teach you how to sniff out the best stuff and which leaf piles are optimum to roll around in. Plus, we can explore new places.
See how I just saved you money?
Budget the Right Way
Speaking of which, my humans are always trying to cut more expenses from their budget, yet they pick the silliest, counterproductive things to get rid of. For example, in the past they’ve cut movie channels and gotten rid of cable (that didn’t last). First of all, I like the talking picture box, so that was just rude. Secondly, when they do this they have to leave the house (sometimes without me!) and spend money. Silly people.
They’re also always talking about buying less food. Not my CANIDAE dog food – I will say they are super good about keeping that in stock – but the yummy stuff they make for themselves. So when they can’t find anything to eat, sometimes they go out and eat somewhere else. Without me. Again, rude! That just means I have to dig through the trash, and you can bet I don’t like to leave the bag intact. Otherwise, how would they learn?
