Monday, December 31, 2012
Humans think they are the only ones who like to make New Year’s Resolutions, but the truth is us dogs don’t mind a little self improvement. As long as it’s tastily rewarded, that is. But I can’t help noticing that my humans, Mike and Tamara, aren’t usually very successful with theirs. Why? They’re going about it all wrong.
So I decided to take their New Year’s resolution list and improve upon it with canine logic. Maybe now their resolutions will last past spring.
Exercise is Good
Especially for me. But it’s silly to buy some expensive and scary thingamajig to walk on. That’s so boring and we can’t do it together. You’re just going to start throwing clothes on it anyways. So what’s the point?
Instead, grab a leash or a ball and we can go outside! We can play chase or catch and I can show you all of my favorite spots in the neighborhood, like the fascinating dumpster in the alley, or we can investigate that backyard where all the rabbits live. I can even teach you how to sniff out the best stuff and which leaf piles are optimum to roll around in. Plus, we can explore new places.
See how I just saved you money?
Budget the Right Way
Speaking of which, my humans are always trying to cut more expenses from their budget, yet they pick the silliest, counterproductive things to get rid of. For example, in the past they’ve cut movie channels and gotten rid of cable (that didn’t last). First of all, I like the talking picture box, so that was just rude. Secondly, when they do this they have to leave the house (sometimes without me!) and spend money. Silly people.
They’re also always talking about buying less food. Not my CANIDAE dog food – I will say they are super good about keeping that in stock – but the yummy stuff they make for themselves. So when they can’t find anything to eat, sometimes they go out and eat somewhere else. Without me. Again, rude! That just means I have to dig through the trash, and you can bet I don’t like to leave the bag intact. Otherwise, how would they learn?
Healthy Num Nums
This is a head scratcher. Hmm...I should go get them to do that for me. Anyways, while trying to save money on the all-important food, they also want healthier food. Now, I’m a veggie loving dog, but what can be better for you than a tasty steak or hot dog? I’m not sure they know what they’re doing here, and they never take my suggestions for the grocery list. Even when I bark them extremely loud.
Seriously, I don’t see why they can’t manage this one. Unless we’re reading all our friends’ pet blogs, video chatting with the little guys or watching all those silly doggies and kitties on YouTube, what’s the point? Put down the laptop already and throw me my bone. I’ll even go get it for you. Right now – just say the word!
And what’s with that tiny buzzing thing you’re always talking on and poking with your fingers? If you want it dead, then let me chew on it. Why do it the hard way? I’m here to help. Is it a hand exercise thing? I’m right here – pet away!
Cody’s New Year’s Resolutions
To be fair, I’m going to share some of my New Year’s resolutions, so the humans can see how to really dedicate themselves and follow through.
1. I will try to understand that Wuppy and Dusty need some human time too.
2. I will stop stealing food that isn’t at floor level. (Everyone knows grocery bags on the floor are fair game.)
3. I will start sharing the blankets – with Dad.
4. I will stop barking when my humans come inside, if it’s been less than five minutes.
5. I will quit stealing things and sitting on them, unless it’s Wuppy’s bone. That’s just funny.
Do your humans have resolutions they are doing all wrong? What about you dogs and kitties, are you making any goals for the New Year?
Photos by Tamara McRill
Read more articles by Cody's Mom, Tamara McRill