5 Items You Don't Need When You Have a Pet

By Tamara L. Waters

A pet can enrich our lives in so many ways, but there’s one way we probably never counted on –saving money. That's right! There are some normal household items you just don't need when you have a pet, so imagine the money you can save!

Back Massager: Kitties make perfect back massagers, provided you keep their claws trimmed. Instructions: Make sure kitty is in good mood. Place kitty on your back. Hope kitty decides to knead your back. If kitty complies, sigh loudly. Appreciate kitty.

Now, if your kitty isn't a kneader (seriously, what cat isn't?), perhaps you could demonstrate to them what type of a massage you need. After all, cats are known for their spectacular ability to follow directions. Or not.


Alarm Clock: This is my cat Garfield's favorite job around my house. I seriously don't need an alarm clock because he wakes me up. Oh, he doesn't just gently rouse me from my sleep, he stands on my chest batting at my face or rubbing my face with his own furry orange mug.

If I don't get up or I attempt to roll over and go back to sleep, he starts purring loudly while being more persistent in his personal "rise and shine" greetings. I only get to sleep in when Garfield allows it and thankfully, he knows that Saturday is my personal sleep in day.

Vacuum Cleaner: I only have cats in the house and they're not as inclined to clean for me, but my parents have a Jack Russell and he keeps their floors spotless! If food hits the floor, you can bet Odie makes sure that floor is sparkling clean in no time. He also does a fair job of sweeping the floor as he runs and plays with his stuffed toys. Low center of gravity makes little dogs perfect floor cleaners, and they can vacuum up any crumbs. The next time you spill some of your CANIDAE dog food on your floors, don't bother with the vacuum – let the pooch do his job!

Alarm System: Who needs an actual alarm system when you've got a dog? Canines are awesome early warning systems. My outside dogs let me knows the second a car hits the end of my driveway. I don't have to worry about anyone sneaking around my yard because I'll know. . .oh yes, I'll know.

My dogs have distinctive alarm system barks. One type of bark means "There are cats!" while another means "Some other small furry animal!" and another means "There's another darn dog in my yard! Get outttttt!" These alarm system barks are very similar and sometimes difficult to determine which is which. Fortunately though, they have very distinctive barks when there are people in the yard or driveway. These barks mean "Person we don't know! Red alert! Red alert! All hands on deck!"

Thankfully, they have not needed to escalate to the serious person alarm bark that means "Person up to no good! Everybody freak out!"

Dishwasher: Yeah, admit it – you've wondered if it would work. Can your pooch do the work of a dishwasher? Sure! Not only can your canine clean your floors, but he can do the dishes. Dirty plates are no match for the tongue action of your dog. Just umm, don't expect him to use dish soap, and don't tell your guests. Seriously. Don't tell anybody.

Photo by Jonathan Crowe

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