The Exasperating Things Dogs Do

By Langley Cornwell

If you’ve ever lived with a dog, you probably have at least one funny story to tell about the dog doing something “wrong” (according to human rules). On popular social networking sites, I bet I read one or two status updates per day about funny pet antics. There’s even an entire website devoted to sharing crazy things dogs do, called Dog Shaming. One of the things that make the Dog Shaming site so funny is the photographs, but just hearing the stories is entertaining enough.

Prompted by the popularity of Dog Shaming, I asked a group of friends to share the most exasperating thing their dog has ever done. The response was tremendous. Here is a sampling of their stories:  

Starr talks about Brandy, their first Golden Retriever. Her husband Joe patiently taught the dog to retrieve his newspaper from the yard each morning. The family was proud of their dog, and loved showing everyone just how smart she was. When Brandy retrieved the newspaper she always got a lot of praise and her favorite CANIDAE treat. Everything was fine until Starr and her husband decided their lives were too busy to read the paper each day, so they canceled their subscription. The thing is, nobody told Brandy. Ever faithful to her one and only job, the dog would go around the neighborhood collecting newspapers to bring to Joe in trade for her treat and the affection and praise. Joe had to go door-to-door every morning, trying to find out who each paper belonged to!

Amanda says that when her dog Honey Bear was younger, she would take out her frustration or anger towards the family by stealing their dirty socks out of the hamper. She would then proceed to carefully chew the top of the socks and pull out each strand of elastic. She wouldn't touch any other part of the sock, but she would work until all of the elastic was pulled out. After Honey Bear was done, their socks never stayed up.

Frankie’s dog seems to like an audience. One time the Chocolate Lab entertained their guests by urinating on the Christmas tree in the middle of a party. Another time, the same dog decided that a neighborhood get-together/cookout was a good time to make puppies with their other lab.

Cherri’s family had just put their house up for sale and had to keep everything in tip-top shape in case someone wanted to see it. Their pug puppy found a blue ink pen and chewed it up in the front entryway. Ink was everywhere. They had to replace the carpet.

Pamela and her husband lived at the lake when a bunch of their friends hopped on the pontoon boat and headed off for a summer ride. They had two Goldens named Andy and Boulder who usually went on the boat with them, but this time they had to leave the dogs on shore to make room for all of their friends. During the boat ride, they got hot and cut the motor so they could jump in the lake to cool off. In the distance, they could see two heads bobbing up and down. Yep, those dogs swam out to them in the middle of the lake. It took some muscle to get both dogs up on the boat. That’s the last time the dogs were denied a boat ride!

When Kendall’s dog Kodi was a puppy, he would hide under her bed and eventually chewed a hole in her box spring. Then he jumped up inside the box spring and she couldn't find him anywhere. When she looked under her bed, there was a little lump hanging down. She freaked out because Kodi wasn’t making any sounds but he finally just walked over to the hole and fell out, completely unscathed.

In a similar incident, Julie says that her dog Muskie chewed his way up through the bottom of their house over a period of 6 months. They didn't understand why, whenever they came home, the dog had a wad of insulation in his mouth. Then one night they found a hole in the family room floor, where he finally broke through from the "underground."

Kelly’s dog is in the habit of going outside to pee and poop every morning...and then promptly going upstairs to repeat the process in her bedroom or her daughter's bedroom.

Do you have a story to tell about your dog’s exasperating behavior?

Top photo by Theilr
Bottom photo by Andrew Morrell

Read more articles by Langley Cornwell