How to Tell if You Are a “Crazy Cat Person”

By Julia Williams

When I was thinking about writing this article, I initially decided it would be about ways to tell if you are a Crazy Cat Lady. But then I realized that even though a lot of men won’t admit they love cats, I have seen plenty of evidence that they do. Take for example, my new favorite show Must Love Cats. Every episode has at least one story, and usually more, illustrating manly devotion to felines. Many of these guys are so over the top in their cat worship they’d certainly qualify as Crazy Cat Men. So I opted to make this a unisex quiz because hey, we should all know if our cat adoration is out of control, right? Not that we need to defend ourselves or do anything about it – as if that would ever happen! Now answer truthfully, and tally up your “yes” answers to get your score.

1. Do you find it hard to resist buying a new cat toy every time you go shopping for household stuff?
2. When strangers come into your home, are there obvious signs that you have a cat, such as furry mice and other cat toys on the floor, a scratching post, cat tree or pet bed in the middle of the living room?
3. When you’re sitting down and a cat is sleeping peacefully on your lap, do you forego getting up because you don’t want to wake them, even though you really, really need to get up?
4. Do you have any clothing with cats on it, and more importantly, do you actually dare to wear it in public?
5. Do you display cat photos, art or calendars on your walls?
6. Are there cat knickknacks on your shelves, desk or mantle, or cat magazines on your coffee table?
7. Do you go outside to open a can of soup, so your cat won’t hear the sound and come running in demanding to be fed? (Bonus points if you do this because you hate to wake them up for no good reason).
8. Do you have a cat tattoo?
9. Do you hesitate to take a vacation because you can’t bear the thought of being away from your cat for that long?
10. Do you let your cat sleep under the covers of your bed, even though you know there will be tiny pebbles of kitty litter on your sheets in the morning? (I really hope it’s not just me).
11. Do you like to watch your cat eat, wash themselves, or sleep all contorted in a tiny box because you find it “cute?”
12. Do you take kitty out for walks in a cat stroller, or walk them on a leash?
13. Do you let your cat sleep pretty much anywhere it wants to?
14. Do you leave parties and family gatherings early because it’s time for your cat to get their noms?
15. Do you call out, “Mommy’s home!” or “Daddy’s here!” when you walk in the door?
16. If your cat jumps up on the kitchen table or the counter, do you scream in horror or simply shrug?
17. Do you telephone your cat when you’re away from home, and talk to them via the answering machine?
18. Do people tell you that your cat is spoiled?
19. If your wife or husband said, “It’s me or the cat,” would you immediately pick up the phone to call a divorce lawyer?
20. Does your cat think you worship the ground it walks on? Do you?

SCORING

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, it’s official. You love cats, and you’re not afraid to admit it. As for me, I’m never going to tell anyone how many yes answers I had. That information is better left unsaid. I do have a reputation as the Crazy Cat Lady to uphold, after all.

Photo by John Talbot

Read more articles by Julia Williams